Thursday, June 19, 2014

His Plans for You are Greater!!!!


            Today i'm not happy or sad. Today my mood is blank, gloomy and filled with discontentment. There is a cloud hanging over my head and i feel as though it could rain any minute now. I know exactly what burdens my heart but for the past few weeks i have refused to open that book up because of what disappointment may lay inside but in this very moment i turn to the first page. Do you guys ever just look at yourselves and think “I know am destined for greatness” but you feel somewhat stuck? Well that’s me. Sometimes I wake up depressed about where I am in my life because I know where I would rather be. That is somewhere on the beach in the North of Spain. I feel useless and un-accomplishment.  This upcoming fall, i’m going into my last semester of college and this by far will be the most crucial semester of my college career. I spent the first two years of college wasting my parents’ money but hey it wasn’t a complete waste since I learned about myself through the process. Why take school seriously when you can be making idiotic decisions while stumbling slowly into who you are? Then I spent the third year learning to differentiate between good choices and bad choices while taking school a little more serious. By the way still wasting my parents’ retirement fundsJ I spent the fourth year acing all classes, well I started acing all classes 2nd year 2nd semester in case you were wondering. I had a plan for my life. I had a plan to graduate with a Bachelors of Science in Public Relations and go on to law school. This two degrees would help me secure a job working for big fashion industries to renowned  celebrities as a crisis professional (kind of like Olivia pope) I had a plan that would take me from country to country because my first love is traveling. I had a plan to make something of myself so I could start repaying back my parents that retirement fund to enable them to have a stress free aging process.

               See, something was wrong with my plan because it WASN’T GOD’S plan. God had a plan; God has always had a plan. I tried to do this on my own ignoring that in everything I did, my purpose was to bring glory to his name. I spent hours in church asking God for a clue because I realize I couldn’t do it without him. This happens to the best of us; if everything is going alright we don’t search for God, but when the heat starts building up in the kitchen we ask God to hand us a wet towel. That was me; I had asked God to hand me a wet towel because I was starting to sweat. It was more than just sweat now; it was restless nights trying to decide how I was going to proceed with my life. My graduation date had come and gone and I still had no clue what to do with myself.  Too much was asked of me as I breached into adulthood.  How was I suppose to serve God’s people while finding an equilibrium called happiness? Why couldn’t I just do what I wanted to do and help people along the way? Why did I have to give up my dreams so that many could be happy? Why did I have to give up my happiness so many others could be happy?

                  Because my dear friends, when you put God first everything else and more follows. Decisions had to be made but I let him make them for me. Choices had to be made but I allowed him to shield me through this storm called obstacles that I foresaw. I had no clue how I was going to accomplish half the things he had planned for me but now I knew I was not alone. With his guidance, I am spending one last semester in undergraduate getting a minor in international relations. That is my calling you guys, I aspire to be a United States Diplomat but first off God’s ambassador. I will graduate with a Bachelor of Science in Public Relations and a minor in International Relations. I will then be off to serve in the Peace Corp for two years in God’s country of choice. I will be taking my GRE in December as well, and by God’s grace when I return attend graduate school at Georgetown University for a Masters in Foreign relations. A year from that I will be preparing for my Foreign Service Test and God willing become a Foreign Service officer. I will travel to several countries interacting with people and sharing God’s kindness. See no one said it will be easy, but someone said with me by your side it will be possible. That someone is God. You guys think I have it all figured out? No I don’t because I still freak out when I study my GRE book and realize how illiterate I am lol. No but seriously did you guys know “ignominious” was a word? Better yet what does it even mean?! Let me know when you find out! Through this all I haven’t talked about settling down or getting married but that doesn’t mean I haven’t planned my wedding because I have. The path I’m on will make it difficult for me to find a suitor let alone bring children into this world because stability is something I can’t offer. I have faith that I will make it work. I have faith that whoever God unites me with will be for better or for worst. I have faith that my children shall know optimum joy no matter what country daddy and mommy has them in. I have faith that through this turmoil my dreams to build foundations for children less fortunate in Africa(Kenya and Zimbabwe) shall be made reality. God has not forsaken me. God has not forsaken you. God will NEVER forsake any of us so tell me about your plans, better yet tell me about his plans for you. My interest is peeked……

Xoxo Christane

Side note: A friend of mine and I just started a project called the “Bread and Butter” project , a coalition dedicated to alleviating and irradiating the burdens of hunger and homelessness.  Every Sunday afternoon, the Bread and Butter Project team will go to D.C. to share warm meals of nutritious quality to the hungry and homeless.  We aspire to make this more than just a local coalition, but it is all by God’s Grace. 
© DiariesOfKris

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