Tuesday, June 28, 2016

8 THINGS I'VE LEARNT ABOUT LIFE



Officially 7 months since my travel journeys began! Here is to the 8 things I've learnt, while at sea. lol

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Wednesday, January 13, 2016

RESOLUTIONS? ABSOLUTELY NOT!

"Without growth, and without a deliberate effort to help others, we are simply slaves to cultural expectations, ensnared by the trappings of money and power and status and perceived success"- 

Joshua Fields Millburn and Ryan Nicodemus

"Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything."George Bernard Shaw


How do i google a resolution? Simply a firm decision to do or not to do something. Well in 2015, i did take "firm decisions" to do somethings that would somewhat help me grow in the path that i wanted to take career wise. Those "things" could then be classified as goals right? At least i think so. A goal would then be the outcome of of taking a firm decision to do or not to do somethings. Resolutions and goals work fraternal twins because you have to make a decision first and then you have to accomplish it.  I hate BOTH! 

I hate both because by the end of the first trimester  of a year, i could never tell you what resolution i even took to begin with. This happens because i never have a game plan, and so i could never accomplish most of my goals. In 2015 i set out to redecorate my room to a neutral white and gray vibe, but i want you to know it didn't happen. I have a hard time just sweeping the darn floor, let alone decorate? so you know that wasn't happening. See, i never got to the root of the problem. Is not that i didn't want to redecorate my room, i just lack the motivation and drive to do it. The thought of just painting a tile completely drained me, so i put it off. I put it off till i just now realized that it is 2016, and i have a pink wall in my room. So much for Resolutions and Goals.....so absolutely not!

I realized through out 2015 that the reason why i didn't have victories over my goals were because i have a few problems within ME. These problems have prevented me to accomplish things that i truly wanted from my heart. In 2016, I do not have any physical accomplishments on the menu. Just internal growth. In order to achieve this external "growth", i need major internal growth.  

 First! I want us to identified what these key points are and then draw a plan of action on how we can move forward with actually accomplishing achievable goals. I encourage you to do this exercise with me guys. Get out a blank piece of paper and write whatever that may come to mind.

1. MOTIVATION.
 I suffer from an extreme lack of personal motivation. I remember when i first started my YouTube Channel. I was very enthusiastic to film every Wednesday and release videos the following Sunday. One day i woke up and all that motivation was gone. I lost track of what the end goal was and why i was doing it. That happens with everything that i do! I simply lack motivation to continue anything i start or I'm i just a lazy person? This year i want to TRY out something new called, "CONSISTENCY" I'm taking it for test run just to make sure i truly don't like it. I want to learn how to do things because i love them, not what the world expects of me.

2. FEARS.
 my fears have hindered me from putting forward any effort in anything in "fear" of failure. I live comfortably knowing that if i don't try then i don't have to fail and be miserable for the rest of my life. 2015 was consumed with fear of putting my foot forward. I want to feel the fear and do it anyways. I will recommend that you read the book "Feel The Fear and Do It Anyways" by Susan because it has help me man up the reality of trying and failing is better than never trying and not knowing what could've been. What if i had painted my room and didn't like it. Big deal, now i know white and gray aren't my favorite colors anymore. Move on to burnt orange

3. TRUST GOD
People, i cannot stress it enough. Everything that happens in our lives is not because we have control over it, it is because God had a plan before our parents knew they were going to get married and conceive our older brothers before us. You get the drift, i want to learn how to let go and let God. My fear of failures hinders me into putting my trust in him and allowing him to do what he promised to do. I know that he has plans for my life right? granted i have to work hard in everything i do but i only achieve greater purpose if i do what i put on this earth to do by HIM. So why do i worried so much and think human beings are in control of my destiny? I want to learn to truly trust and put my faith in him so that everything i do either with a positive or negative outcome, i don't have to be fearful because he has a plan.

4. ANGER MANAGEMENT.
Over the years i developed this nasty attitude where i flip out un-controllably and say awful things when being confronted with an argument. It has gotten worst in 2015, and i know such attitude won't take me far in any relationship, workplace or in life. My mom has been really trying to get to me about it and towards the end of the year, i realized it was becoming a big hinderance in my life. I want to deal with this from the root; figure out what triggers such a reaction out of me and get rid of it altogether. It is not going to be easy but this year i want to work on my internal growth and being a nice person is a major key to my success

5. LOVE GOD, LOVE OTHERS AND LOVE MYSELF.
This is the most important step in my internal growth process guys. I want to learn how to genuinely treat others with the up-most respect because that is exactly how i want to be treated. I want to teach myself to love myself no matter the disappointments in my life. I want to learn how to LOVE God like i love my parents, because he is the one that truly remains with me. He is by my side, in-front of me, hovers over me at night and never leaves me. 

This year i realized that if i can work all the internal problems that are eating me up, i can clear a path for external growth and reach my actual goals after i set them! I didn't fail this pass year and you didn't either. If you can learn from your mistakes and learn from life lessons, then you are surely better than you were yesterday. I want to encourage you to look at what is hindering you from accomplishing physical goals. Tackle those issues first and see how transformed your life will be. For those who don't have any internal hinderance. Make sure you
-set goals, 
-make a plan 
-get to work
stick to it
-reach your goal

And be CONSISTENT


Have a wonderful God filled year!  I pray that all your goals are accomplished and you have a fulfilling year. 


"Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything." George Bernard Shaw





Xoxo





















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Saturday, January 24, 2015

WHAT WAS IT?




It was just a regular Saturday, that's what it was. I spent the whole day pondering upon what was wrong with me...something had to be wrong with me. Something had to be seriously wrong with me if everyone around me seemed to stay away. Something had to be wrong with me because there was no reason why my once upon a time "bestfriend" didn't contact me over the past three weeks to wish me a happy holiday. She had been in my mind because i wondered if she was okay. I wandered if she would notice that we hadn't spoken in three weeks. I usually made the first contact because i owed her that much. I screwed up our relationship years ago, so i owed her every single ounce of care in my body. This time i couldn't contact her but i wandered, did she ever think of me or was it just a regular Saturday.?

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Sunday, November 2, 2014

SO MIND GAMES???




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Monday, October 27, 2014

19 FACTS ABOUT ME



 Hey guys! How is everyone doing? No one ever answers me but i'll keep asking:(  So today i figured you guys can get to know me, for those who don't know me and for those that do, you can find out something new. I'll post 19 pictures and for every picture, there will be one thing you get to find out about me. I have been wanting to do this for a while so why not today? so here it is! Let me know one fact about you in the comment box below! I want to get to know you guys as well but no one ever answers but this will be my lucky day! 

P.S outfit details will be at the end since i'm focusing on something else. 




19. I might come off very serious in pictures but i am the wierdest, wittiest, most personable person you would ever meet.



18. I absolutely despise even numbers hence i pick 19 not because i was born on that day:) no really because i don't like even numbers. I like numbers like 69, 99, 107, 23





17. Black is very much so my favorite color. I wear other colors just because my black clothes all get dirty at the same time and i have nothing else to wear. lol No i wear black because it makes me feel confident, classy, powerful and determined.







16. Please believe me when i tell you i didn't realize what my personal style was till i went to Paris last December. It was a life-changing experience. I wasn't always this "knowledgeable" all my life.





15. I go to the movies by myself. I absolutely hate going with people. I need silence through out a movie so i can connect with the characters. No seriously. Plus it's therapeutic. 




14. I want to aspire as a Fashion Designer. I have been sketching for a while ( 2 months only) lol but i want to launch my first line in 4 years. It will be an "ALL BLACK" collection. 




13. I love riding bicycles. I stop random people on the street to ask to ride their bicycles. They usually say no but it has never stopped me from continuously trying. I will never stop:)




12. I plan on writing a book years from now; i have a story line already. By the way I didn't realize i could write till you all started complimenting my work. It has all been a result of reading so many novels as a pre-teen which led to my poetic writing skills lol. It is a talent from God guys, but don't ask me to write about school stuff now. I am illiterate. 




11. I love details and uniqueness, hence i am addicted vintage stops. I go there more than 4 times a week. You do the math. By the way, the next time you see your local vintage shop, check inside i should be there between the racks. I love that place. 




10. Traveling is one of my biggest life goals and passion. I would love to have travel 15 countries by the age of 25; i want to draw inspiration for my one day novel and clothes collection from the beauty around the world. 




9. I don't wear make up because i am allergic to it, plus i don't have the time and the patience. What i have time for is a good black lipstick and some arch eye-brows ohhhh-kayyy?!




8. I dress up everyday of the week. The only day i dress down is Sundays which is ironic right? I go to church super casual because on the 7th day, God rested. So do I people! so do I. 




7. I only listen to Alternative music, i really like the depressing kind but it doesn't depress me at all. I absolutely love it. For example Sarasvati-Mary Lambert. She is the bomb!



6. Patience hasn't always been a virtue of mine but God has help me through out the years. I am happy to say i am alot more patient than i was a year ago. Plus, you get way more accomplish if you hold your horses, so why not hold them?



5. I collect seasonal cards. I absolutely love birthday, christmas, holiday cards not because of the card itself but of the message people write out to me and me only. I have atleast 50 cards from over the years. I always read them to remind myself of what people see in me that i usually don't see in myself. 




4. I am a loner; i do better when i am by myself. I love my friends because they are so different but we have each other in common. Truth be told i like standing alone but it would be nice to see myself in another person and have the pleasure of calling them a friend. 



3. Why do i look so crazy in this picture? Anyways I am attracted by Intelligence and creativity. It's that simple.



2. I am a stylist at heart; the most exciting part of my day is picking out clothes either for myself or others. I absolutely adore fashion. Just got my business cards as a stylist/ personal shopper/ fashion blogger. I am so excited!




1. Everything i am is because of God. He is the most important person in my life and he comes first. My faith is so strong and i believe that i have a mission on this earth but most importantly i praise him for he has made everything possible. 





Bag-Target

Shoes-Can't remember

Skirt- A gift from a friend

Turtle neck- A gift from my aunt

Fur vest - Zara

Necklace- H&M

Rings- Forever21

Watch- Casio Quartz


xoxo Kris

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Sunday, October 19, 2014

"Beneath the Shell"

“The True Mark of Maturity is when Somebody Hurts You and You Try to Understand their Situation Instead of Trying to Hurt them Back.”



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Tuesday, September 16, 2014

What 21 Taught Me

"You know what 21 taught me? Never don’t say, “I love you.” Say it. Say it a lot. Even if it’s too soon. Say it. Say it because otherwise, it may be too late. Say it because living in love, premature or not, feels like the soft and warm ambient glow of a candle light. Say it because it lights you up inside with the beaming glow of  summer afternoons. Say it because it makes you feel like you’re bathing in the suns golden rays. Let your body be inundated in the warmth your heart transcends to every cell, every hair, and every fingertip. Let it happen.

Recognize the Good in him.  It’s there, it’s the reason he’s even allowed in your universe. Take a little time away from your preoccupation about what he should be or what he could do better to love just what his Good is.

Recognize the Good in yourself. Similar to the notion that there is a Good in him that you love, there is a Good in you that he loves. No, you are not something he does when he’s bored. He sees and feels something in you. Recognize that and be that.

Don't treat him like a contestant in the back-breaking triathlon that is Knowing you. Stop letting people walk away from you no wiser of the golden heart stored in your spirit. Stop thinking people have to earn that privilege. Reveal your spirit in abundance, to everyone and every chance you get. Be your golden heart. 

Just like 21, 22 will come and will go; It does end. Be young while you can. Being ambitious and bold is who you are, but don’t let that cost you the uniquely wonderful nuances of being in your twenties. Don’t let trying to have it all together cost you experiencing the immaturity, the shit-shows, embarrassing moments and hurt. My most valued experience was the diminishing of an old flame, the catastrophe to spark the introspective and spiritual phase of my life that would reveal me to myself. My most cherished memory is of my 21st birthday with my friends spending their hours on end covertly sneaking  into my bedroom and filling it up with over 100  balloons. Completely ridiculous and I've never felt more love from a friend.  Hurt, immaturity and ridiculous belong in your twenties, on purpose. Let these missteps take place.

Start with love. No longer should it be the possible (or more accurately, unlikely) outcome of all of the eons of details, points, sub-details and sub-points that you scrupulously torment over finally aligning. Aligning in a way that would only ever conceivably occur in a metaphysical alternate universe that isn’t this present Reality.  Just like the “perfect moment” in which confessing a shattering truth doesn't exist, everything being perfectly in place will not ever actually come to exist. Life is not linear. Delete the internal checklist of what has to be for “this” to be everything you ever dreamed of. Instead, start there. Start with what you dreamed of. Start with love.

Life is not linear. Nothing happens in the way you want it to because it happens in the way The Universe wants it to. Stop wasting your efforts tormenting over things occurring in a strict A-B-C form. Suggesting that you embrace the whimsy of this would be a dramatized exaggeration but at least accept that your efforts in fighting this is wasted and you are costing yourself marvelous moments in so doing.  

P.s Continue recognize people for who they are at their soul and love them despite their outward guises. Continue hand picking only the most golden of individuals to allow in your life. Continue  harvesting the ultimate love, comfort and solace for life’s storms from within yourself. Continue to be your own soulsister and best friend."




Xoxo Kris

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Sunday, August 17, 2014

"THE DECISION. MY DECISION"




It is there. It has not always been there but from the moment it got there, it belonged there. It has become a part of me. I can’t take off. Sometimes I do take it off. I don’t want to take it off. I slide it back on. I unconsciously twirl it around my finger because it is my treasure. Sometimes I grasp it when I am stressed, or in deep thought. It reminds me of the vows I have made to God. It reminds me to behave myself right before I allow myself to get carried away in a lustful activity. It protects me from perpetrators.  Most importantly it reminds me that my body is in fact a temple. It is my purity ring. It is the ring on my ring finger. Sometimes I wonder why I ever made such a vow! Sometimes I wonder if I am normal for making such a decision because if you think about it, everyone in our generation is sexually active but I was never really normal, was I? I made this decision the first time I realized I felt horrible after laying down with a man that couldn't guarantee a forever after for me. I made the decision to reserve myself till marriage when I realized I fell into great depression after the “act”. I made this decision when I realize I picked up emotional baggage that wasn't reciprocated after the “act”.  I made this decision after I realized I was ashamed of how God would look at me if I slept with a man out of wedlock. My vow to God to reserve myself was the best decision I made when I made it because it gave me my sanity, dignity, and self-acceptance back. It kept me away from the predators but also kept me single for a very long time. It was all so easy till I started being afraid to share my vows with my suitors, with fear of losing them before the chase even began. 

 I started asking questions but no one would give me an answer. I came across those who supported my decision and those who didn't understand my decision but accepted it. There was nothing wrong with fulfilling human needs but why did it feel so wrong to me? What was the meaning of my purity ring? There are people that had sex on the first date and ended up married right? There are people that waited three months to have sex and it still did not work out. How does saving myself till marriage guarantee that I was going to stay married for 30 years? How does having sex on the first date NOT guarantee that I will stay married for 30 years? Did I have a better chance at a successful union by waiting till marriage to engage in sexual intercourse again? Did i not have a better chance of a successful union by sleeping with them before marriage? It seems like nothing could guarantee a successful marriage regardless of sexual activities or not. These questions tormented me as I took my purity ring off for weeks just to figure out why I had made that decision. I do not consider myself more of a Christian because I am celibate till marriage, but I am curious as to how others waited till marriage and if they are still married.  It seems like my purity ring created a barrier for me because I eventually had to tell every guy I was celibate. Many respected my decision but those same people moved on to the next because that wasn't a concept they understood. What good was this ring if no guy could stick around to find out I was more than just the physical object they saw on the first date? I liked second dates. I wanted to go on second dates. I couldn't go second dates because i didn't keep my status a secret on the first date. I never got second dates. I had many questions but never an answer. I just knew a part of me was missing every time I would take it off to do anything. 

My purity ring is a diamond ring offered to me by my aunt so it means a lot to me for numerous reasons; the diamonds and the commitment. My commitment. Every time I would say to hell with this commitment, I would take it right back because I finally knew what the commitment meant. See my ring was a reminder of my values. My values are the moral concepts I believe in and stand by. Not everything I believe in makes sense but because God is the source of my belief, it did not have to make sense. I believe in no sex before marriage.  I believe a man can build a relationship with a woman based on the fearfulness he has for God. I believe Marriage is a God ordained union that can stand through every storm in his presence. I believe there is a man out there who will fall in-love with me regardless of any physical interaction. I believe my values and beliefs are what define me as the woman that I am today. I believe if you don’t stand for something, you will fall for anything.  So I slip my ring back on with questions that I still don’t have the answers to but it is okay because what I believe in is far stronger than what my urges might be…..Believe me when i tell you it is a 365 days battle.  I have fallen short before but i stand strong by God's grace.

"True Love waits"-Genesis 3:17


 Xoxo Christane
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Tuesday, July 29, 2014

IN-SIGNIFICANT OTHER

I accidentally ended up on your page because I miss you oh so much. I accidentally ended up Microsoft word after I accidentally stumbled on your page and heard that song. Not just any song, “THE SONG” “THAT SONG”  “OUR SONG” We all have that one song. That one song we skip every time it comes on. That one song we erase from our memory in efforts to erase the memories we left behind. Before I realized it I was singing along and the emotions were crashing down on me. The song was “Turn on The Lights” by Future.  I want to tell the world about you just so they could get jealous and if you see her (him) before I do, tell him I wish I met him. I did meet him actually but before I could tell the world about him, I lost him.  For the past two months every time I step out the house, I check to see if I forgot anything because I have this feeling that I have. Well my wallet, car keys, and phone are present so what did I forget? nothing. I just have a feeling of incompleteness because my in-significant other is not by my side. I envision myself sliding my fingers through yours and thinking to myself, "gosh he is handsome and he is all mine! I don’t have it all but all I need is that warm look in his eyes letting me know I will never need anything else as long as he is by my side. I envision a summer granted by God to “Him and I” to finally try this “couple” thing because we have never had a chance to be in the same city for more than 3 months.  Every time I get asked if I have a significant other, my respond is “No, I have an insignificant other because I am the significant one in our relationship” Hey! I heard that from a couple that had been married for 29 years lol. This is what I think to myself but really my response is no, I don’t have a significant other because we don’t know what we are to each other.  Everything reminds me of you. Was I not meant to be happy? All I ever asked God was to bring you back to me or allow me to move on. He is not granting me either so does that mean I don’t get to be Mrs. (inserts his last name)? I stumbled upon your photography page today, and there it was……..that song that brought back all the memories I had repressed. The memories that meant nothing to a stranger but everything to me; from you nervously dancing with me for the first time to me shedding my first tear because I was truly in love. Love is an empty word if it is not used on a two way street. Love is an empty word if you’re the only one feeling the love…but in my case it was filled with promises of forever and after because we both felt it. Dang it! I wanted you and you only, and I still do. I can’t let anyone else in because you still inhabit my heart.  I am writing all this because I don’t have the courage to let you know how i feel. I was never the type to envy my friends and their relationships but when I watch their infatuation with their better halves, you creep up in my mind because you are my better half.  No one else ever made me feel as beautiful as you did. Dang it, you are across the world but I love you. I know you still love me but are you still in love with me?. I promise to not break your heart, again. I promise to go above and beyond to protect your heart.  Have you ever had a relationship that didn't stand a chance? Either you loved each other too much but couldn't get through the differences? Or the distance was just insanely unreasonable? Or there had been too much hurt in the past but neither one of y’all were willing to put it behind? Basically your story was unwritten….Yes mine is unwritten as well. I can’t move on because I never had a chance to live it because the odds were in my favor. You can’t move on from something that didn't happen.  It has to happen first. I’m holding on because I know we deserve each other. I can’t let go because I don’t want to let go no matter how much I pretend to try……so I’m asking you to let me go. Let me go before I continue to free fall for you, when you are not sure if you will be there in time to catch me. Is it possible to fall in-love with someone else without ever falling out of love with the person before that? I don’t want to end up like that but I won’t have to end up like that if you are my forever after.  Give us one last try……….love is sometimes not enough to united broken hearts, but we just don’t just have love. We have a friendship, a companionship, a partnership, and a blessing from the man above.


P.S I wrote this five days ago and alot has changed since then. I decided to let him go

Xoxo Kris
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© DiariesOfKris

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